I can't be afraid, 'cause it's my turn to be brave
by scaringelizabeth
Summary: She's had enough with staying silent. She's going to tell her how she feels.


First fan fiction here. Might post more chapters if people are interested!

Pairing: Quinn Fabray and Rachel Berry

Setting: Season 2, AU

POV: Rachel

* * *

I looked across the room when the door opened, and watched her walk in. She took her usual seat, alone, empty chairs on either side of her. I wondered why I never sat next to her. Why I never mustered up the courage to go over there and speak to her. Ask her how she was feeling.

I knew why, really. Because it hurts too much. To love her so much and know that she'll never return the feeling.

It was a new year at McKinley High. Another shot at Regionals for New Directions. A step closer to getting out of this town and beginning my career on Broadway. I should have been looking to the future, but it was too difficult. Too difficult when all I could focus on was how much I needed her in my life.

My love for one Quinn Fabray hadn't happened over night, no. I'd watched her everyday at school, in glee club, in the hallways. But it wasn't until I'd ended things with Jesse until I realised that that fluttering sensation I got when I caught her eye wasn't envy, it was love. I loved her, and I had been denying it for years. Telling myself that I was just fooling myself, telling myself that wasn't what I was feeling. I had spent so long telling myself what I wasn't feeling and not enough time telling myself what I did.

The rehearsal today was a little slow. We practiced a new number, but it didn't hold much interest to me for I wasn't the lead. Instead, I watched Quinn from the corner of my eye. The way her eyes shone when she smiled. The way her blonde hair swished back and forth when she danced.

And I didn't speak to her once that day. Not once.

* * *

I felt ridiculous. I'd spent three hours last night creating conversations in my head that could happen between me and Quinn, conversations that were never going to happen. And that was when I realised that they were never going to happen if I didn't try. Did it really matter what other people thought about me? If she shot me down it would just be yet another rumour about me that circulated around the school. It might actually be quite interesting to have a plethora of new and original insults shot at me.

"Gay"

"Queer"

"Lesbian"

But what if she didn't turn me down? What if she felt the same way? It would be something beautiful. A tale for the ages. So that was why I had decided that today, September 12th, I was going to talk to Quinn for the first time in my junior year.

I walked into rehearsal lacking my usual air of confidence. I found it rather amusing that a crowd of thousands of people hardly bothered me, but talking to the girl of my dreams left me quaking in my penny loafers. She was already there, sitting alone once again. Except, this time, I decided to join her.

Quinn looked up at me and arched an eyebrow slightly. With one single look she already had me breathless.

"Do you want something, Berry?"

"Just.. just, hello. I thought you deserved some company" I said, stumbling over my words slightly

"Alright. Just don't talk to me, okay?"

"Okay. Did you have a good day?" I had chosen to concentrate on the first word of the sentence. At least she hadn't moved seats

"I told you not to talk to me" she said in a defiant manner, turning to face the front and waiting for Mr Schue to arrive.

The hour crawled along slower than yesterday had, but finally it was up and as everyone grabbed their bags and headed towards the door, reaching out and touching Quinn's arm gently as she went to leave.

"Quinn, can I talk to you?"

She gave me a withering glance and sat back down. This was it. It was time to tell her. I had never been so terrified in my whole life and all I could hear was the thudding of my pulse in my ears.

"I don't quite know how to tell you this. I would sing it to you if I wasn't too scared to keep perfect pitch." I looked up at her, "Which is very scared, if you must know" I added with a slight smile. She sat there, rather expressionless, and with a little nervous laughter I carried on.

"There's no point in stringing this out, I mean, it's hardly a political speech. So I'm just going to come out and say it." I was trembling a little, so afraid of rejection. Of being mocked. "I-I'm in love with you, Quinn"

Silence. That's all there was.

I was too afraid to look up, to see what was bound to be a look of disgust.

"Are you kidding me?" she said finally. A sudden sinking feeling occurred in the pit of my stomach, kind of like the time my dads had told me my Barbra Streisand autobiography had gotten lost in the post.

"Would I really joke about this?" I retaliated, fully aware I had just snapped at her.

More silence. I was just waiting for her to leave now. Hoping for it to be as painless as possible.

And suddenly, there was a hand on my arm. I looked up and saw the expression on her face was soft. She bit her lip and then opened her mouth to talk again.

"I wish I could laugh in your face" she said, "I wish I could sit here, and mock you, like the old Quinn would have done. Because right now, that seems so much easier than telling the truth."

It was hard for me to concentrate. All I could think about was the way she was gently caressing my bare arm with her hand.

"What's the truth?"

Her face fell slightly and she looked away, moving her hand from my arm and placing it back in her lap with the other one.

"The truth is fucking stupid. You don't wanna hear it."

"Of course I do. I want to hear everything you have to say, Quinn." I said, offering a small smile. She looked back at me and then let out an exasperated, almost inaudible sigh. Most people wouldn't have picked up on it, but I did. I picked up on everything she did.

"I wish I could sit here and tell you that I hate the clothes you wear, you know, those stupid skirts and animal sweaters that look like they belong on a china doll. I wish I could tell you that I want to punch you in the face when you talk too much. I wish I could tell you that I don't think you're the most beautiful girl in the world, but-" she trailed off.

"But what?" I asked hesitantly

"But then I'd be lying. And you told me to tell the truth." she said rather sheepishly.

This wasn't happening. It couldn't be. Was she doing this on purpose? Would she really make fun of me when I was gone? I didn't know. I didn't care. I was living for the moment, for the first time in my life.

"You- you have feelings for me?"

"Yes. At least, I'm pretty sure I do. We'll have to find out, right?" she said, a smile playing on her lips

"How are we going to do that?"

She didn't answer. Instead, she leaned over, and she kissed me.

On the lips.

I kissed her back of course. Her lips were so soft and even if it was short-lived it was still the best few seconds of my life so far.

"Well?" I asked after she pulled away.

"I'm a lot of things, Rachel. I'm a cheerleader. I'm a singer. I'm a mother. I'm a Christian. But I never thought I'd be crazy about someone like you. A girl like you. Guess you can surprise people, even yourself." she said, picking up her bag.

I left school that day feeling like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

I left school that day hand in hand with the head cheerleader.

The most beautiful girl in the school

My girlfriend.

Quinn Fabray.


End file.
